We do not Need Many Friends, but Real Friends – Maria was busy all day. Go from one place to another with the agenda fully processed. Finish the day and is isolated in his apartment. Dinner only something that was left in the fridge of a previous day, and entertains watching a rather interesting series. She is a successful professional, but sometimes she can not help but feel a little lonely. Has this happened to you?
According to various studies, according to El País newspaper, about one in three people in Western countries would often feel alone. Our world of direct communication and sympathy suffers from an epidemic of loneliness.
Only in a world of virtual interactions
According to another study that analyzes relationships of friendship and loneliness, the friends we talk about in our lives and our relationship with them thirty years later can predict loneliness, well-being, and depression. Do we need these friends for our journey through life?
I must say that many people live like Maria. Live daily with superficial relationships.
It is very common that, subject to so much stress, we limit to the minimum professional, family and social obligations, trying to avoid screens, series and other distractions, in addition to relaxing, besides you will always have to invest in friendship, especially in a difficult time.
Is there still time to be with those you love?
In December 2018, the Spanish company Ruavieja launched a viral campaign inviting us to reflect on our priorities in the use of our time and inspired us to take advantage of what really makes our heartbeat.
In the video of this campaign, over the next forty years, according to statistics, we will play 442 days with the series of mobile viewers, 520 days, 6 years for television, 8 years on the Internet, 10 years on screens. The question is, how much time do we have left with people who give meaning to our lives?
Later, they had displayed with an algorithm, how much time they have left to live with a number of friends. It is very shocking to see, for example, that a mother and son living in isolated Spanish provinces have less than 100 real days to accompany them. They shed tears as they saw each group realize how much time was slipping into their hands to fill their souls.
Make friends: coexist
According to the University of Kansas study on creating friends by science, when people share their time and interests, made human relationships stronger, For example, to move from informal knowledge to a companion with certain proximity requires at least 40 hours of coexistence.
This research indicates that as our relationships become more intimate and closer, they bring more emotional and tangible resources, in addition to a positive impact on our cortex and an increase in the number of neurons.
This last statement is based on Dunbar’s (2015) social brain hypothesis, which is discussed here. This contribution to our neuronal growth comes mainly from the capacity for empathy generated by an intimate interaction with other people in friendly social relationships. Making friends also increases our brain capacity!
Anthropologists and scientists have shown that if we have a closer relationship with people, our expectations of them will increase. For example, we want to go to them in times of fear. What does that mean? We do not need a lot of friends, but real friends.
So, the number of “friends” or followers of Facebook or Instagram does not count.
The authors tell us that there are five types of friendship relationships that go from the closest to the most superficial.
- Camarilla support (people can have 1 to 5 friends in this category, including spouses and close relatives, but also close friends)
- Sympathy group (here the authors count a number of 10 to 12 people, including the support clique)
- groups of clans (from 40 to 70 people, including the sympathy group)
- clan members (120 to 150 people are counted here)
- known (their number is very variable)
The most important part: open the heart
How to become a known person to become your support clique? In addition to investing time, anthropologists and psychologists checked whether it was necessary for the interactions to provoke self-discovery between the two people. Agree to share time and make sense, which greatly enhances the friendship.
We know what is domestic
Antoine de Saint Exupery gives us in his wonderful book “The Little Prince”, a wonderful metaphor for creating, strengthening and maintaining a friendship. The beauty of the fox had surprised The little prince, then she conversed with him. He asks her to play with him because he feels sad. The fox refuses, nobody has tamed him.
The little prince does not understand, what is domestication? he asks. It’s “making connections, we only know what’s domesticated,” says the fox. If you want a friend, I’m holding back. ”
Creating links means that you consider the other person to be important and give you a chance to watch, expect, and understand. Doing demands work, but it improves the soul and encourages us to undertake life with integrity. Do you dare to be a good friend?