The Culture of Victimhood – Do you know the culture of victimization? Do you stop complaining continually or do you receive complaints? Do you know what it means to be a victim? The sacrifice of the victim is a psychological trait that influences personal relationships.
Each of us has taken on the role of victim in painful or traumatic situations in our lives because we feel vulnerable and unprotected, and we need them to take care of us and protect us. The culture of victimization reinforces this by making the person taking the victim role seem to be accompanied.
When we have experienced the care and protection of those around us, we discover that it is nice to feel the attention of others, that we feel that we are the protagonists of our environment and that they constantly monitor us.
It happens that some people assume this role of identity, they become chronic victims. This identity is part of the culture of victimization in which we find ourselves: it is good to help those who need it, even if it means getting lost. On the contrary, not offering help presupposes negative social criticism.
It should be noted that chronic victimization is not in itself a DSM-5 pathology, although it may provide the psychological basis for the development of a paranoid personality disorder.
Although it is true that when we assume that the role of victims is the result of a feeling of unease, some people turn this role into a lifestyle, what is the reason? What causes someone to recreate their discomfort?
The answer is simple: reinforcement and constant attention. The gain that occurs when a person is a victim causes the entry into a “continuous loop”. I feel bad, they reinforce my role, so I allow myself to stay in this role.
The culture of victimization: the role of society
Society plays a key role. According to Giglioli, an expert in comparative literature and author of Criticism of Victims, victimization is a cultural addition to the social laws that govern our culture. The culture of victimization goes so far as to show that showing the role of the victim is socially respected, as helping those in need is positively appreciated.
In the culture of victimization, there is a tendency to reinforce this role of victim, of “poor”, “he has no one”, “how can I not help him if he is my mother?” , “You are a bad son because you leave her alone”. All this with the fear of what they will say “they will say that I am a bad person, what will they think of me if I do not help them?”
Place of external control
Victims really believe that everything that happens to them is the fault of others or circumstances. They think “I’m out of luck”, “everything happens to me”. This is called the locus of external control, in which the responsibility for actions is not supposed to be clean. On the contrary, this responsibility is attributed to factors external and external to themselves.
Victimism and negativism
Victims tend to aggravate what happens to them, giving them even more serious feelings about what is happening, making them unable to see the positive side. They are completely focused on the negative, so much so that the good goes unnoticed. This is why their coping strategies are wrong, which prevents them from offering different solutions, possible solutions to their problems and taking the lead in their lives.
Emotional blackmail as a form of communication
Chronic victims try to manipulate the people around them to achieve their goals. For this reason, they generally recognize the most empathetic people whose main goal is to use empathy to their advantage to get what they want.
When this person does not do what she expects, she places her as an executioner and as a victim. They use phrases like “with everything I’ve always done for you and you pay”, “you leave me alone”, “if you do not do it, it’s because you do not love me”, feelings of guilt in the person calling these messages. In short, they try to do what they want through emotional blackmail.
How can I act if I am confronted with a victim?
Do not give what you want
It reinforces the role of the victim and if his entourage continues to do “about the same thing”, it continues. Continue with care and offers of care that seek, expand and/or maintain the response of the victim.
Lay on Chronic Victim the reasons you are modifying your behavior to help you get out of your comfort zone.
In this way, the victim understands the reasons why this change occurs in you and the benefits to himself. “Do not help, do not give what you want, it’s when I really help you.”
Keep your distance excited Being surrounded by such negative people who wear and protect themselves is important to keep the boundaries because our well-being and ourselves are also important.
Suggest possible alternatives to her behavior.
“What can you do differently from what you have done so far?”, “What part of the responsibility do you have?”. Are you ready to assume that you have an active role in what happens to you and that everything is not the result of bad luck or others? ”
Do not get involved too much if this person does not want to change.
Remember that “for another to be better, I can not sacrifice myself”. It is important to offer our understanding and affection, but that does not mean that we are sacrificing our well-being.
You are not guilty.
Guilt is one of the main weapons of the victim, so it is common to feel guilty for not responding to the wishes of this person. Remember that you use your debt to get what you want.
Use the “no”.
If you do not want to do anything, say no with kindness, clarity, and determination. Do not apologize too much because the victim can use them against you.
Encourage him to seek the help of a professional. In the face of chronically affected people, it is advisable to seek psychological help from a specialized professional who can really help you.
As we see, the culture of victimization means that we often give up our wishes and needs to help others. It is important for us to be aware of this in order to protect ourselves and promote change in the person who assumes the role of the victim.