The Keys of Emotional Communication – I do not know if you remember the famous American footballer who said on television that he was the best football player in the world.
If you remember, you may also know that there is a lot of excitement about these statements. His opponents criticized him and social networks were inundated with evidence to prove it was not him, but another, the best on the planet.
Why did all this happen? Why were so many controversies generated when he just said what he believed?
The reason is that his message was immobile, objective and inflexible. In short: he did not use emotional communication. Had they done so, they would certainly not have criticized it this way.
Women improve, men not
Of all the social skills that have been and have been, emotional communication is what will definitely bring more peace to your life.
We are not used to communicating emotionally. Although we only want to give our personal opinion, we generally speak in an objective, totalitarian and emotionless way. “I am the best football player in the world.” You agree or you are against
You may have known that women communicate in a much more emotional way than men, but you may be surprised to find that the older they get, the more they do. And in the case of men, the opposite is true: they lose this type of communication as they grow up, as shown by a compilation work of the University of New York.
There are also cultural differences (they are much worse in Asian countries), but at least we all have a lot to learn. The benefits you can get justify more than what you try.
Reasons to learn to communicate emotionally
If you’re wondering what to do to learn to communicate emotionally, I’ll give you 4 reasons to decide if it’s worth not reading this article:
- You avoid conflicts and they will not be able to talk to you. As you will see below, people will not be able to criticize your arguments or opinions because they are based on your emotions and feelings. And it’s something that only belongs to you.
- Your contact will be more sympathetic to you and will feel more familiar with you. Talking about our emotions allows the other person to know us better. In this way, you can generate more proximity with someone you just met in record time. And in case you forget, we love people, we know more.
- The person you are talking to will open up and be more honest. Emotional communication reveals and protects your feelings at the same time. Thanks to the emotional contagion, your interlocutor will do the same. As you have seen in the article on imitation, it usually happens that the person you are speaking to may subconsciously copy your communication style.
- You will justify your actions more. Speaking of your emotions, you will legitimize more what you do. People will understand that it is the emotions that made you behave when you act and do not act on a whim, a chance or even deliberately. And this is always more understandable and acceptable because you implicitly bring your reasons in the form of emotions.
Are you still with me? Well, I’ll get right to the point. The theoretical part of learning emotional communication is very simple; just do three things. The difficulty lies in its integration as a habit.
Express yourself subjectively
Suppose you and I were talking about the crisis, a change, and that at some point this expression is vague.
Although I mean that everything leads me to believe that most politicians are corrupt, I said objectively. I described a fact as if I was describing an object, and I placed it on a silver platter so that you could discuss it if you think differently.
If I say rather: – I always thought that almost all politicians are corrupt, the problem is different. I use the subjective perspective: I have spoken about myself and you can not refute the accuracy of this sentence. You can argue with me if you think politicians are corrupt or not, but no one can judge what I believe. My feelings are mine and no one else can discuss it.
Which verbs are used to express themselves subjectively? There are many, but the most important thing is to believe, feel, think, think and look.
If you get used to talking about what you believe, think or think, you will have someone to question what you say, why you will clearly explain that it is your opinion, thus avoiding many conflicts. They Do not share what you say, but of course, they can not accuse you of nonsense or lies.
Uses emotional verbs
They say that the only person who can change how you feel is yourself. Although there is some reason I think the person you are talking to might also have something to do with it.
It seems that emotions are infected. Imagine you’re in the subway when a young couple comes in. They take a few lines for you and start to smile. In fact, they do not stop laughing during all the trips. How do you think you would finally answer?
When emotions are transferred, the ideal is that you talk about yourself when you express emotions. More precisely, the emotions you want to convey.
Until recently, the most accepted theory was that there were 6 basic types of human emotions: joy, sadness, fear, surprise, anger, and fear. However, they summarize the most recent studies out of four.
Whatever they are, if you use verbs that convey these emotions, you can pass them on to other people in your social relationships. Some examples of emotional verbs are: deceive, love, hate, fear, be jealous, covet, worry, excite, dislike, etc. honest and open person.
I recommend you get used to using positive emotion verbs mixed with a touch of humor in your social environment. In this way, you will spread positive feelings, you will be better known and people will start to associate with good vibrations. And everyone wants people like that nearby.
Describe the behavior and not the people
The third part of emotional communication is describing behavior, not people. In this way, you can freely express what you think, further reducing the possibilities of creating conflict. You will also be much more convincing because people know that they can change their behavior, but they do not feel the same about their personality. An example?
“You are stupid.”
“I think your behavior was stupid and that embarrassed me.”
In the first case, I feel that if you say something like that to someone, he immediately becomes defensive. In the second, you open the possibilities of dialogue.
If you get used to combining a subjective perspective with emotional verbs, you allow people to get to know you better, faster and also less argue. For me, it is something incredible.
In the following article, you have a very special guest who will talk about a fundamental pillar of social relations: self-respect. It is Álvaro Tejedor, not only a good friend but also an expert in emotional communication and the author of the inspiring example I mentioned at the beginning. I owe him the majority of my knowledge in this area.