The Art of Becoming Adults – The art of maturing requires courage, dedication, and responsibility with oneself and with others. Becoming a healthy adult is not an easy task, especially when we look at the structure of the society in which we live.
On the other hand, depending on how we have lived our childhood and relationships with our parents, we need more or less effort to reach our physical and emotional maturity. The physiological age and the social age do not always coincide, so why this lack of synchrony? Is it so hard for us to mature so often?
Why do not we sometimes resist growth?
Why do some people have so much difficulty maturing? We have many reasons to stay in eternal youth (known as “Peter Pan Syndrome”). In the first place, society pushes us to always remain perfect, beautiful and with a young spirit.
Secondly, sometimes the emotional wounds of our youth cause us to drag on unresolved problems and to have an injured child who refuses to give way to the adult: at the bottom, he continues to claim part of his youth or at least to leave it without deep wounds. These problems, which have not been solved, are manifested in our present. Remember that it is easier in childhood to avoid responsibilities and to think that we are in a familiar and comfortable area rather than exploring unknown areas.
What are the characteristics of an adult who can not grow up?
An adult who is resistant to growth has several characteristics. The most important are:
- Has unmet childhood needs that are constantly trying to compensate for them in their present.
- Feel guilty, hidden or manifested for what he does, says and feels. Difficult to distinguish from parents or partners.
- Exaggerate your needs and these too tend to become addictions or immediate gratification.
- It must be constantly filled with incentives and may be highly dependent on others or very independent (although there must be recognition and independence behind independence).
- Remove your emotions and bury them inside or, on the contrary, make a roller coaster of emotions that you can not control.
- You expect a lot from others, you can give a lot, but you usually expect something in return.
- He has the wounds of abandonment and rejection he experienced in his youth.
Guilt makes it difficult for us to mature
Imagine a child whose parents are divorcing. In this situation, it is easy for the child to adopt behaviors aimed at preventing the break-up of the family unit and, if he does not, to assume some of the responsibility for this result. A responsibility that, in case of failure, will turn into debt, a weight that is not theirs and that can ultimately hinder their development.
The injured child lives in an adult body and is frozen in time. Think your age does not matter, whether it’s 25, 38 or 60 years old. Feeling guilty is often very active in the child (dressed as an adult) who has little emotional maturity.
The child feels crazy, which makes him think that he is responsible for everything that happens around him. This burden that the child feels is not real, although he considers it to be true. When we grow up, we will no longer feel guilty, we will have big problems every day to assume our responsibilities.
What is the way to reach emotional maturity?
To reach emotional maturity, we will have to face the guilty emotion instead of avoiding it. Managing guilt feelings becomes the most important part of being able to continue to grow in the relationship we have with emotions. With both ours and those of others
To begin to digest this guilt is necessary: to live the pain of the child, not to avoid it, but to cross it and to feel fully and consciously. If we can leave our past and our backpack, guilt becomes a healthy responsibility that drives us to mature
The courage to be an adult
The art of being a healthy adult is not just taking on different roles in life (professional, spouse, children, etc.), it goes further. He managed to take a step into the unknown, getting his own identity, which was different from our parents. Leave your expectations aside and start doing things for ourselves.
If we value ourselves and accept ourselves as we are, the experience of life will naturally lead us to adulthood. What gives us wings to become an adult is the freedom to live our present with awareness and acceptance of circumstances as they present themselves.
Thus, some people become quietly independent adults: stop acting as victims, avoid constant complaints, and leave the past behind. We can only allow the Tsar to conduct our own lives by acting brave and taking steps in an unknown direction.