Fear of Involvement – What is the fear of involvement? Do you really suffer or is it an excuse if you do not want to continue with a relationship that does not fill us? For the psychologist Mila Cahue, from the Álava Reyes psychology center, the concept of “fear of participation” starts from a fundamental mistake. “Nowadays, people want a commitment if they do not touch each other.
Couples begin to live together when they are in the appointment phase and they continue to know each other. Because it is this court that functions: that of time to know the other person “. In his opinion, the initial mistake is the increase in commitment when the relationship is still “green”.
No single emotional model
It is also true, continues Cahue, that there are people who do not want to compromise. “There are people who simply do not want to live as a couple, we have to admit that there is no single emotional model today, and if they are unable to reach that level of commitment, it’s because they have a thousand reasons behind them.
” Because they have a heavy professional or family burden … What society should normally see and accept is that there are men and women who do not want to engage as a couple in the way traditional that we all know.
“What is really unfair is not to warn him and let the other person wait. Of course, if the relationship grows with time without any obligation, the one who waits is the one who has the responsibility to get out of this relationship. Otherwise “the fault of his personal suffering is his,” determines this psychologist.
However, for the pedagogue and author of “Do you want to marry me?”, Fernando Alberca fears the compromise and “occurs in people who remain in the phase of falling in love and who are unable to enter the phase, it is love.
“There are people who fall in love with love, more than the person who falls in love with it … It’s a typical state of adolescence, only those who fall in love to be on love are those who can take the risk to bond completely, to be involved in their whole being, and it is something that happens when you reach the emotional maturity.
The commitment has a lot to do with the authenticity of the person, respect for oneself, realism … “, he explains. Alberca goes on to explain: “Adolescence begins at the age of 9 and lasts until age 35. The fear of participation has a lot to do with this prolonged adolescence that goes beyond what corresponds in time “.
Profile of these people
And when is the fear of involvement discovered? this usually happens when the other person asks us to take a step and we think there will be a change that could destabilize our “safe zone”.
That’s what I call the Fear of Involvement.
“According to this psychologist, in the emotional field”, it is usually presented to people very attractive, with enough people as gifts, great conquerors and who need a stable relationship because of their emotional deficit.
Afraid of involvement
How do we know if we or our partner are afraid of involvement? In her book “Emotions Expressed, Emotions Overwhelmed”, Molina identifies some of the most important characteristics of those who suffer: “These are usually people who have difficulty making decisions and who often turn the tide of the subject.
“Is it possible to face this fear of devotion, apparently latent in our society? For the psychologist Silvia Congost, author of “When love is too much addiction”, “